Why My Mum Only Started Exercising After I Stopped Pushing Her
TLDR: As children, we want the best for our parents. To see them live actively, confidently, and independently. But the best isn’t about forcing change; it’s about inspiring, supporting, and guiding them so they choose it themselves.
Helping Them Live Their Best Lives
As children, we always want the best for our parents. But what does ‘the best’ truly mean? We want our parents to keep moving well and living boldly as they grow older, not worrying about who will take care of them, but trusting in their own strength.
Today, my mum trains with me two to three times a week without me even asking, and she now takes the initiative to plan her workouts with me for the weeks ahead.
The journey to get to where we are today wasn’t easy, but let me share what helped me and I hope it guides you in having this conversation with them.
Firstly: Inspire
Transformation never sticks when it’s pushed. It lasts when it’s chosen.
For years, I pushed my mum to go on early morning walks with me, but we ended up doing it only once that whole year. It made me realise that if the desire isn’t coming from her, my efforts alone won’t keep her going when I’m not around. That’s when I decided to become the example, to show her what’s possible and to inspire the spark for her own growth.
Become the version of yourself that inspires others to become their best.
I committed to a five-month cut and stayed disciplined, losing 10kg in that time. Throughout those five months, she watched me give my all: Turning down social dinners, skipping home-cooked meals, and sticking to my meal preps. She even helped me prepare my meals. She became part of my journey, experiencing what it truly means to commit to a goal and become a better version of yourself.
Secondly: Community
Your workout partners can be the difference between showing up and giving up.
I invited my mum to bring her friends along to the gym with me, adding a little extra motivation and that we could all enjoy lunch together afterwards. The gym soon became a place for her to catch up with friends, chatting and laughing in between sets.
My role became making sure she had fun, taking photos, and capturing those moments so she could relive them later. Having good friends truly makes a difference. Friends who genuinely want the best for her, who are also committed to their own health. When these positive energies come together, they become unstoppable.
Thirdly: Advice from Subject Matter Expert
I’d been asking my mum to cut down on snacking for ages, but it never worked. Yet the moment her TCM advised her to fast, she listened.
It helps to get feedback from an authority figure, like a doctor, because parents are more likely to listen when it comes from a subject-matter expert.
Funny enough, the Buddha’s most wise disciple, Sariputta, could not teach his mom the Dhamma. Only when he was dying, and she saw that the devas she prayed to, came to pay respect to him, she converted to the Dhamma. So whenever you feel exasperated trying to ‘teach’ your parents, recollect that Sariputta’s struggle.
The doctor also advised her to exercise more and set a plan: fast and work out for a period, then return for a review to check her health markers. And guess what, her health markers improved! The doctor even asked her to extend the trial period, reinforcing that her fasting and exercise were directly benefiting her health.
Ask them to experiment, not to comply.
Lastly: Support System and Feedback
It’s important to understand your parents’ ‘why’. The reason behind their desire to change. For my mum, it was about improving her health and building strength so she could move freely as she ages.
Having these conversations over the years hasn’t been easy, but remembering the Buddha’s teaching — to see things as they are, not as we wish them to be — has helped.
One often sees “see things as they are” rendered from the Pāli concept yathā‑bhūta‑ñāṇa‑dassana, “knowledge and vision of things as they really are.”
Accepting my parents as they are allows me to meet them where they truly are. I’ve shared about this in my previous podcast episode with Cheryl on Handful of Leaves’ Spotify.
This journey has taught me a lot about patience (khanti). I used to want change to happen immediately, wanting my mum to build lifelong healthy habits overnight, and this cause me a lot of suffering. I had to manage my expectations for the speed of change and be ok even if things remain status quo, as this journey is a long one, as I would never have expected that a small breakthrough was just around the corner.
The second I change how I show up in the relationship, the relationship changes for the better – Mel Robbins
By tracking her milestones in our training sessions, my mum could see her growing strength. Especially in her legs, making everyday movements like standing from a chair easier. As the weights increased over time, she discovered her legs could handle far more than she ever believed at the start.
When you notice your own growth, motivation grows with it.
As we care for our parents, let’s remember the journey they took raising us wasn’t easy, and every act of love we give them is a privilege.
Conclusion
In the end, helping our parents live well is not about control or perfect plans. It is about patience, trust, and learning when to step forward and when to step back.
What I learnt most deeply is this. When we stop trying to fix our parents and instead walk alongside them, their hearts soften. They feel respected. They feel seen. Change then has space to arise on its own.
The Buddha often pointed out that growth cannot be forced. It unfolds when conditions are right. Our role is simply to help create those conditions with care, steadiness, and goodwill. Sometimes that looks like inspiring quietly. Sometimes it looks like finding the right support. Sometimes it looks like practising patience again and again.
As our parents age, we are gently reminded that time moves in one direction only. The chance to support them, train with them, laugh with them, and watch them grow stronger is not guaranteed. It is something we are given for a while.
If there is one thing worth carrying forward, it is this. Love expressed through patience and understanding is already a form of practice. And caring for our parents, imperfectly but sincerely, can be one of the most meaningful trainings we will ever undertake. P.S. If you need help getting your parents to the gym, you can find me at my socials where I have helped clients over 60 years old attain their health goals. Lose fat happily with me and get into your strongest and healthiest body for mobility, wellness and longevity.
Wise Steps:
- Inspire Through Example: Transformation sticks when it’s chosen. By showing commitment to my own fitness — meal prepping, training consistently, tracking progress — my mum saw what dedication looked like and started sparking her own motivation.
- Build a Supportive Community: Workouts are more fun with friends. Inviting her peers, sharing laughs, and celebrating milestones made the gym enjoyable. Positive energy from a supportive group makes habits stick.
- Learn from Experts: Parents often listen to professionals. When my mum’s TCM advised fasting and exercise, she followed through and saw measurable health improvements. Encourage experimentation, not compliance.