Search for peace – Way back to the Dhamma
TL;DR: In a time of deep struggle, Georgia explored an Abrahamic monotheistic faith and found comfort in its love and community but struggled with its reliance on faith over reason. Returning to Buddhism, she discovered a path of clarity and calm through mindfulness and right understanding, continuing her search for peace through wisdom.
Abrahamic Faith and its Draw
“So bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul; Worship His Holy name. Sing like never before, O my soul; I’ll worship your Holy name.”
The sweet melody filled the house of worship as many around me (myself included) prayed, cried, knelt, and sang.
It was a really hard time. Many things in my life seemed to be falling apart.
I had barely slept or had a casual human conversation in over two months. On top of the heavy workload and expectations at work, I was filled with worry, anger, and sadness.
There was no escape. The same issues kept arising with no solution, with no control.
My mind kept looping through analysis and self-interrogation, trying to reason my way out of suffering. But with emotions tangled in logic, the problem-solving dulled into exhaustion.
My concerned friend, who is a huge fan of the Big Man Upstairs, brought me to his community of faith. The music gripped my tired soul.
Imagining there was a God, I felt a brief moment of solace as I laid my burdens down in His embrace.
For a moment, my heart was full.
A quick analysis revealed what I had been missing: faith, love, and connection. My curiosity about this Abrahamic faith deepened.
My Background — First-Principled Thinking and Building My Worldview
My family and childhood placed great emphasis on first-principled thinking: to break down problems to their basic truths and reason up from there.
We were taught to question, defend, and discuss our ideas.
One of the harder parts of growing up with so many questions was the frequent confusion.
I noticed that many people lived on autopilot: their thoughts, emotional responses, and behaviours seemed pre-programmed.
While I was fortunate in many ways, I realised many of my default thoughts and reactions were unwise. Figuring them out alone was tough.
After all, if one were to question whether one way of life compared to another made more sense, I think it would be difficult to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion. Thus, it seemed easier to learn from those wiser than myself.
I’ve always been envious of peers endowed with wise mentors to guide them and to help them build sound emotional and behavioural frameworks.
I tried to seek mentors out whenever I could, determined to observe them. This desire for wisdom makes up a huge part of my reason for pursuing the Abrahamic religion as well.
My challenges with the Abrahamic faith
The Abrahamic faith is a beautiful religion. I met many lovely people who guided me patiently, invited me into their chapters, and taught me about the religion’s holy writings.
For all the joy, love, and community that came with the religion, I encountered various challenges in accepting the faith in its totality:
- Blind faith in its almighty figure: I found it hard to build my worldview entirely on a being, who, to me, might not exist.
- Interpretation and subjectivity: Questions on how to be a good person and do right by others plagued me. I realised that a lot of the religion’s teachings relied on human interpretation of theistic intentions through the holy book. The morality pronounced by the faith seemed to be built on shaky logical grounds.
A gentle sadness arose when I reached this impasse.
I couldn’t find anyone who could explain it in a way that made logical sense to me.
Though this Abrahamic faith did not fully satisfy my search for peace, I learned something valuable — that I longed for faith, love, and connection.
Armed with this insight, I turned back to the first religion I had known: Buddhism.
My Affinity and Challenges with Buddhism
Buddhism has always resonated with me for its thoughtfulness and logical structure.
I studied in a Buddhist elementary school and understood the first three Noble Truths. The fourth, however, always felt elusive.
I had tried previously to understand the fourth Noble Truths: travelling to Thailand to speak to monks there, or speaking to Buddhist friends, all of whom recommended hard to read books (based on early Buddhist texts).
None of them had brought me peace.
Moreover, my understanding of the underlying notion in Buddhism is to detach from everything.
For someone who built their life philosophy and belief system around existentialism and zest for life, detachment seemed like a huge price to pay.
Way Back into Buddhism — Retreats and Insights
Despite that, I was determined (or desperate) to try out the Buddha’s teachings again. I realised three mistakes I made in my initial attempt:
- Reading books that were way above my level of understanding
- Not joining a community that I resonated with
- Not seeking out practitioners with a deep enough understanding of the Dhamma to address my concerns.
The experience that stood out most in my second attempt was a meditation retreat. The teachers explained the Dhamma simply, connecting the different parts of the theory well.
I came to understand that Buddhism was not simply about detachment. It also teaches us to replace unwholesome mental states with wholesome ones.
Detachment was the tool to cease unwholesome mental states.
Faith, love and connection (all positive mental states) are possible to build in Buddhism while maintaining zest for life.
That understanding brought me joy and relief, as the mental dissonance faded away.
As I meditated, a non-linguistic insight arose: I felt animalistic, and I was trapped by my conditioning, reacting automatically to pleasure and pain.
Gradually, as my attention shifted, the emotions subsided, and the impermanence of afflictions became clear.
With the insights, I felt free with a subtle happiness. This liberating mental state is likely the main solution to my problems.
My Current Status with Buddhism
With a couple of months passing by, even a basic understanding of Buddhism has helped me in the following ways:
- Lowering unnecessary stimuli, which creates mental space for calm.
- Labelling unwholesome or useless thoughts, which makes it easier to let them go.
- Examining which mental narratives are useful in managing my emotions and understanding their causes
I’m still building my faith and understanding towards Buddhists. Undoubtedly, I still have many questions. The main one being: Buddhism teaches about conditions and training of the mind.
When conditions are not advantageous, how well can I detach?
I have struggled with this question sometimes when life is challenging, and I am still experimenting with the techniques and skillful narratives. Nevertheless, I look to the Buddhist path ahead with hope, joy, and gratitude.
Thanks for reading. Sukhi hontu (May you be well and happy)!
Disclaimer: This is just my personal journey through these two religions. I might have misunderstood certain concepts or missed key teachings, but I’m learning 🙂
Wise Steps:
- Find a Community, Not Just a Concept. Don’t just read in isolation. Actively seek out a community of practitioners who can guide you, answer your questions, and provide a supportive environment to deepen your understanding.
- Start with the Body. Mindfulness all starts from focusing and being aware of the body. Use physical sensation as your anchor to the present moment. It is the simplest and most direct path to mindfulness.
- Trust the Dhamma as Your Guide. When navigating internal struggles, the Buddha’s teachings provide a time-tested framework. Turn to them for wisdom on transforming suffering into peace.